That was my answer when my aunt asked me if I had any requests for my going away party. The truth is my request is not to have one. I dont like going away parties they mean people are going to be sad, dont be sad, life is meant to happen, if i were not going to germany i would be gone somewhere else. My fate right now is to not be here there is no changing fate. However, I do have to say I wouldn't mind if Fate wanted to give me someone anytime soon. I think that even though I am trying to be a good strong sane individual about this whole gone for a year thing it would be much eaiser if I knew there would be someone who was dramatically effected by it as I am going to be. I mean I know that sounds selfish but I guess it is. I know that Everyone I am leaving behind will move on, their lives do not in any matter rely upon me and I wish that I had someone who was truly going to be changed and would truly be counting down the days until they got to see me again. The truth is that it hurts a little bit that I am sitll sooo alone. I guess this is what you get when the first person you allow yourself to have caposity to love is never intrested so you just waste that potential. I know I do this to myself. I am so closed off but really what i need is someone to fight for me becuase if they are not willing to fight for me I know they will not be willing to fight for a future of usness. I mean I am a difficult person and I know this but I also know that i give in and if I find someone willing to fight back I know I will have someone who matters. Really when 8 days away from leaving forever who analyzes their lack of love life? Oh bother.... A fly cant bird but a bird can fly......
Alright I am going to go to the store to return some popcans so I can buy some shampoo and then I am going to clean the house. My cousins get back tomorrow and I want them to have a nice home to come back to... I may even make cookies! Take care of yourselves!
xoxo
ME
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment