So this week was super hard and for the most part I think I am going to skip the details and just give you an overview.
Monday:
Well Monday was really good
Anna and I tracked down my bank card
We got my train tickets to Paris
We went to see a movie NordWand. It was a really sad movie about mountain climbing but it was still really good.
Got to bed really late which was bad for Tuesday but all the same Monday was GREAT.
Tuesday:
DAY FROM HELL
I had a ton of classes and I was actually left alone for 2 hours with the worst class ever I really wanted to cry.
My day started at 6:30 I had to be to school by 7:30 and I got home at about 4pm. YUCK. I seriously wanted to go home after I was stuck alone with the hellions but my theater group made everything better well expect that i was exhausted.
Wednesday was good too
School started at 7:30 but I only had three lessons so I was home by 11:00 ish. And Wed. Night Anna and i went to Aerobics and visited her dad. It was a blast. I again got to bed late which made getting out of bed this morning next to impossible. Today was super long I was at school for the full day and then there was a minor emergency. Paris was almost canceled. I almost had to go to Italy and Save Hillary. Things were bad, really bad. However, things have been sorted out and Paris is back on the books. So tomorrow before the sun comes up I will be on a train on my way to Paris to meet Hillary and have a GREAT weekend!
So now I need to get packed and get to bed. So hopefully I have great stories for you next week.
xoxoxo
Me
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
More Random thoughts
First of all, I really need to get my hair cut. I really want to get it cut short much shorter than I have ever had it but I cant go alone and Anna and Susanne don't have free time so I don't want to ask them to go with me so my hair cut might have to wait for Christmas break. but never the less it does need to be cut because the other day I cut off 5 inches by myself because it was so dry and dead from the first couple weeks in Germany and not having good shampoo. So now it is still below my shoulders but it looks kind of stupid because it is not so easy to cut your own hair. So I am upset that I still have no hair cut.
IN other news next weekend I will be in Paris. That seems so crazy to me. I still have not really realized where I am. Amanda in Paris, who would have ever guessed that. I mean I know a lot of people who belong in Paris but I would never have put myself into that group. I actually feel guilty about going when so many people cannot go.
I have been thinking a lot about life after Germany, I think I really want to go into International human rights or International Ecological issues. I know that means I will be poor for the rest of my life but I am really ok with that. I don't need money. Just enough to pay off my student loans. But I am really thinking that I want to do something with Ecological issues. There is this group that is trying to replant the worlds forests and mangroves and I would love to be a part of that, or any of the countless others.
Tonight I am going to Anna's volley ball game. I am really excited about it. And tomorrow a bunch of us girls are playing football. Monday.. well Monday I am back at school again.
Oh my god I just ate way to much. Now I think I need to go vomit. Alright I am going to get going because I have to go check my laundry and figure out what I am going to wear tonight.
Love you talk to you soon.
IN other news next weekend I will be in Paris. That seems so crazy to me. I still have not really realized where I am. Amanda in Paris, who would have ever guessed that. I mean I know a lot of people who belong in Paris but I would never have put myself into that group. I actually feel guilty about going when so many people cannot go.
I have been thinking a lot about life after Germany, I think I really want to go into International human rights or International Ecological issues. I know that means I will be poor for the rest of my life but I am really ok with that. I don't need money. Just enough to pay off my student loans. But I am really thinking that I want to do something with Ecological issues. There is this group that is trying to replant the worlds forests and mangroves and I would love to be a part of that, or any of the countless others.
Tonight I am going to Anna's volley ball game. I am really excited about it. And tomorrow a bunch of us girls are playing football. Monday.. well Monday I am back at school again.
Oh my god I just ate way to much. Now I think I need to go vomit. Alright I am going to get going because I have to go check my laundry and figure out what I am going to wear tonight.
Love you talk to you soon.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
There is so much music in the world
Today I am going through endless lists of songs I have created as one I need to listen to in life. Many I am adding to my playlist so you will too be forced to give them a try, sometimes one of the songs reminds me of one I already know so it gets added too. I hope you like the additional songs.
So I have had a fever all day today. YUCK. I am so adding the Piano has been drinking. I hope you listen to that one.
Yesterday I read The choice.. it is a Nicholas sparks book. It was sad but I hated it. It isn't a realistic book at all. Claudia you should not read it you will cry a lot. But I got so mad reading. I don't believe there is love like that. Maybe someday someone will prove me wrong and in fact I hope to be proven wrong. The happy person inside me is screaming for someone to prove me wrong but as of now I think it is bullshit.
I am back to work tomorrow this makes me happy. I have been missing my students. They always cheer me up.
I have been reading alot lately and studying alot of German.
I might be going to Frankfurt on Wednesday to the theater. I will have to pretend to be a German high schooler but if I can pull it off it will be fun.
I realized today that I can officially type faster than I can write. I am not sure if that is a good thing or if it means that i have spent too much of my life behind my computer.
I am not super happy about coming home for Christmas. I really dont want to lose anytime in Germany. I mean I am stoked to see the family and I know that dad cries when he thinks that I wont be there. So it will be great I just think a German Christmas would be cool. Maybe next year I will visit for Christmas.
So like everynight this week there has been a val kilmer move on it makes me very happy that the Germans share my love for this man.
alright I know this was random I am just in a mood right now. I think I am going to have a cracker and go to bed.
Love you
Amanda Rae
So I have had a fever all day today. YUCK. I am so adding the Piano has been drinking. I hope you listen to that one.
Yesterday I read The choice.. it is a Nicholas sparks book. It was sad but I hated it. It isn't a realistic book at all. Claudia you should not read it you will cry a lot. But I got so mad reading. I don't believe there is love like that. Maybe someday someone will prove me wrong and in fact I hope to be proven wrong. The happy person inside me is screaming for someone to prove me wrong but as of now I think it is bullshit.
I am back to work tomorrow this makes me happy. I have been missing my students. They always cheer me up.
I have been reading alot lately and studying alot of German.
I might be going to Frankfurt on Wednesday to the theater. I will have to pretend to be a German high schooler but if I can pull it off it will be fun.
I realized today that I can officially type faster than I can write. I am not sure if that is a good thing or if it means that i have spent too much of my life behind my computer.
I am not super happy about coming home for Christmas. I really dont want to lose anytime in Germany. I mean I am stoked to see the family and I know that dad cries when he thinks that I wont be there. So it will be great I just think a German Christmas would be cool. Maybe next year I will visit for Christmas.
So like everynight this week there has been a val kilmer move on it makes me very happy that the Germans share my love for this man.
alright I know this was random I am just in a mood right now. I think I am going to have a cracker and go to bed.
Love you
Amanda Rae
Friday, October 17, 2008
Crazy fucking German Drivers
So today I was crossing at the crosswalk while the crossing sign was green for me and this stupid little yellow car hit me. I was so mad. So then I get to my road and who is parked there Yellow car who hit me. I don't think I have been so made in a long time. I mean if you are going to hit me at least offer to give me a ride home. JERKS.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Today was great!
I went on a grand adventure along the Rhine today thanks to Margitta who took good care of me. I met her through Tom. Tom has made my life soo great. It seems funny to think that I will probably never see him again. I ate lunch in a castle today. That was so awesome. I went all along the rhine we probably saw at least 8 castles. and a few monasteries. I got to go to a really cute Christmas town. Also we went in a cable car over yet another vineyard to another little town. I finally went to the Lorelie cliffs. Anyone who knows me well knows that the Lorelie is my favorite of all sirens. I actually learned more about one of her many stories today so that makes me super happy.
For those who don't know. My obsession with the Lorelie started early. The first perfume I ever had was a gift from my aunt and it was called obsession and had a poem on the inside of the label with a beautiful picture of Lorelie.
Turn the ocean and twist the blue
for I have found a love so true
alas my temptations he doth resist
salvation lies within the ocean mist
sexy siren of the sea Lorelie
I call to thee
Stir the storm and cast its might
my love gives up his heart tonight.
I know kind of dark and evil but I loved it and the picture of her was so beautiful. So this started me researching her. She has so many stories, some are about the cliffs, some are about the lake in the woods. I love them all. I love her her story is such a sad one, doomed forever to be alone, as dark and twisty as this sounds sometimes I feel that we are tied in this fate, always a friend never a love.
Today I got to sit on her cliffs I got to look out over her river.
I found out it is legend that the Devil himself carved those cliffs. That when he found out the gods were attempting to create such a beautiful valley he gripped on to the cliff face to hold the slate there and to this day you can see his claw marks from when the Gods finally dragged him away. But he got his cliff and he cursed her to be there forever to lure a great many to death. She even used to have whirl pools until they blasted away all of the reefs.
Anyway... That probably only interests me so I will move on.
I am thinking about riding my bike to Mainz tomorrow. It is the nearest big town. It will be about an hour ride but I think it will be worth it. I think I found a path by the river that I can take the whole way there. At least I think it goes to Mainz. I guess I will find out.
So I love being here and already I don't want July to come, but I am so lonely. I had a huge fight with one of my friends today. She was mad at me because I am having fun here and I don't miss home. But really what is there to miss. Yes I miss my family and friends, but I would miss them anyway, it wasn't like I was living with everyone. And I don't miss America. I don't have anything that is holding me home. I don't have a job, I don't have a prospect of a job, I don't have school, I don't have someone I am in love with waiting to greet me on the other side of the plane. All there is for me in America is being alone and debt. At least here I am alone in debt and have a great view!
I hope I meet more people my age. It is hard when I spend all day with teachers who are so much older than I am and students who are so much younger. I have met a couple people my age through Anna but I don't know them well yet.
Oh and I met the American Hater. She is LOADS of fun, no really I love being told how horrible i am.
So just after I write this about how I am lonely I have a great conversation with a great friend. And that conversation is what I am going to leave this off with. It is already too long but I want to have this conversation to look back on when I get sad.
Me:
I really do miss you I hope you know that, I miss talking to you.
Them:
Ditto, you kept me sane, you still keep me sane from 6000+ miles away.
Me:
You Bring me hope.
Them:
I try, hope is all anyone ever needs to keep going; hope in the smallest things can bring about the greatest happiness.
Me:
Its true and you keep me in supply, you really are one of the few people who can get to me smile a true smile.
Them: I like smiling and by the way, I have my smile back. But I miss yours and so mine isn't complete without yours.
I know it is super cheesy but it is just what I needed. Thank god for good friends. Even if I am alone I am never completely alone. I have the worlds greatest friends. This is just one of them.
For those who don't know. My obsession with the Lorelie started early. The first perfume I ever had was a gift from my aunt and it was called obsession and had a poem on the inside of the label with a beautiful picture of Lorelie.
Turn the ocean and twist the blue
for I have found a love so true
alas my temptations he doth resist
salvation lies within the ocean mist
sexy siren of the sea Lorelie
I call to thee
Stir the storm and cast its might
my love gives up his heart tonight.
I know kind of dark and evil but I loved it and the picture of her was so beautiful. So this started me researching her. She has so many stories, some are about the cliffs, some are about the lake in the woods. I love them all. I love her her story is such a sad one, doomed forever to be alone, as dark and twisty as this sounds sometimes I feel that we are tied in this fate, always a friend never a love.
Today I got to sit on her cliffs I got to look out over her river.
I found out it is legend that the Devil himself carved those cliffs. That when he found out the gods were attempting to create such a beautiful valley he gripped on to the cliff face to hold the slate there and to this day you can see his claw marks from when the Gods finally dragged him away. But he got his cliff and he cursed her to be there forever to lure a great many to death. She even used to have whirl pools until they blasted away all of the reefs.
Anyway... That probably only interests me so I will move on.
I am thinking about riding my bike to Mainz tomorrow. It is the nearest big town. It will be about an hour ride but I think it will be worth it. I think I found a path by the river that I can take the whole way there. At least I think it goes to Mainz. I guess I will find out.
So I love being here and already I don't want July to come, but I am so lonely. I had a huge fight with one of my friends today. She was mad at me because I am having fun here and I don't miss home. But really what is there to miss. Yes I miss my family and friends, but I would miss them anyway, it wasn't like I was living with everyone. And I don't miss America. I don't have anything that is holding me home. I don't have a job, I don't have a prospect of a job, I don't have school, I don't have someone I am in love with waiting to greet me on the other side of the plane. All there is for me in America is being alone and debt. At least here I am alone in debt and have a great view!
I hope I meet more people my age. It is hard when I spend all day with teachers who are so much older than I am and students who are so much younger. I have met a couple people my age through Anna but I don't know them well yet.
Oh and I met the American Hater. She is LOADS of fun, no really I love being told how horrible i am.
So just after I write this about how I am lonely I have a great conversation with a great friend. And that conversation is what I am going to leave this off with. It is already too long but I want to have this conversation to look back on when I get sad.
Me:
I really do miss you I hope you know that, I miss talking to you.
Them:
Ditto, you kept me sane, you still keep me sane from 6000+ miles away.
Me:
You Bring me hope.
Them:
I try, hope is all anyone ever needs to keep going; hope in the smallest things can bring about the greatest happiness.
Me:
Its true and you keep me in supply, you really are one of the few people who can get to me smile a true smile.
Them: I like smiling and by the way, I have my smile back. But I miss yours and so mine isn't complete without yours.
I know it is super cheesy but it is just what I needed. Thank god for good friends. Even if I am alone I am never completely alone. I have the worlds greatest friends. This is just one of them.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Am I dreaming?
to tell you the truth I am still in the stage where I cannot believe I am actually here and that I will actually be here for a year. I went for an extra long walk today and found a new apple orchard. It was really nice. I took dad's mp3 player that he gave me as I was leaving so I walked the whole way listening to all of his favorite music. I usually only walk for about an hour along my favorite path but today I just kept walking. I was walking for about 2 hours when I decided I had better turn back. I think tomorrow I am going to take my bike because I think you can make it all the way to mainz on that trail.
I hope that everyone is doing well. It is so hard to be there for your friends in the way they need when you are across the world. I am really lucky for the friends I have. I am sorry If I am not always the friend you need.
I got to talk to Alyssa yesterday on the phone. I was glad I finally got a chance to talk to her. She isn't doing very well. I wish I could do more for her but all I could do was to call her.
My sister go the job working for the Obama campaign. I am really happy that she finally got a job. However, I have really lost all faith in our political leaders.
It looks like I am coming home for Christmas. Dad really wants me home. I am excited because I love my family, however, I am a little torn because my time here is really limited. I wish my VP wasn't an ass and this holiday had not been wasted. Stupid Jerk! But all you can do is live and make the best of it.
My abs really hurt. Since I have so much extra time on my hands I just keep working out. Yesterday at the pool I almost passed out. It wasn't good but I figure it is probably really good for me.
alright this is random and I have yet to say anything important so I am going to get going.
Hope to hear from you soon!
xoxo
ME
I hope that everyone is doing well. It is so hard to be there for your friends in the way they need when you are across the world. I am really lucky for the friends I have. I am sorry If I am not always the friend you need.
I got to talk to Alyssa yesterday on the phone. I was glad I finally got a chance to talk to her. She isn't doing very well. I wish I could do more for her but all I could do was to call her.
My sister go the job working for the Obama campaign. I am really happy that she finally got a job. However, I have really lost all faith in our political leaders.
It looks like I am coming home for Christmas. Dad really wants me home. I am excited because I love my family, however, I am a little torn because my time here is really limited. I wish my VP wasn't an ass and this holiday had not been wasted. Stupid Jerk! But all you can do is live and make the best of it.
My abs really hurt. Since I have so much extra time on my hands I just keep working out. Yesterday at the pool I almost passed out. It wasn't good but I figure it is probably really good for me.
alright this is random and I have yet to say anything important so I am going to get going.
Hope to hear from you soon!
xoxo
ME
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
The next few days.
The next few days are going to be WONDERFUL!!
Today I am going to meet up with Tom at the pool. I am excited. I guess it isn't just a pool it also has a ten foot indoor climbing wall. I am super excited to check it out. It isn't very far from here so I am sure that I will be going a lot from now on I will make Anna go with me.
Tomorrow I am meeting up with Beki a language Assistant from the UK I dont know what we are going to be doing just yet but I am excited to meet another person. I guess she lives pretty close to me.
Thursday I am going to go on an adventure. I am going to go way out into the hills to see what I can find.
Sometime next week Margrate is going to take me to the Lorlie cliffs. I am super excited about that. I cannot believe I live so close to my favorite German Fairy tale!
Alright I am going to get back to cleaning. I am finally making good use of my living room. Cleaning up my bedroom so that I have a definite division in the two areas. No more computer in the bed room. That makes it too hard to sleep at night. I need it to be separate from me.
Oh and my residency came through today so I get to go pick up my official you are a German for a year stamp which means that I can now leave the country with no fears about getting back in.
Best of all I might be home for Christmas. That makes me SUPER excited. I LOVE it here but It will be nice to see the family. Funny story I have talked to Bryce I think more than anyone else. I do miss my baby. He is such a great kid.
xoxox
ME
Today I am going to meet up with Tom at the pool. I am excited. I guess it isn't just a pool it also has a ten foot indoor climbing wall. I am super excited to check it out. It isn't very far from here so I am sure that I will be going a lot from now on I will make Anna go with me.
Tomorrow I am meeting up with Beki a language Assistant from the UK I dont know what we are going to be doing just yet but I am excited to meet another person. I guess she lives pretty close to me.
Thursday I am going to go on an adventure. I am going to go way out into the hills to see what I can find.
Sometime next week Margrate is going to take me to the Lorlie cliffs. I am super excited about that. I cannot believe I live so close to my favorite German Fairy tale!
Alright I am going to get back to cleaning. I am finally making good use of my living room. Cleaning up my bedroom so that I have a definite division in the two areas. No more computer in the bed room. That makes it too hard to sleep at night. I need it to be separate from me.
Oh and my residency came through today so I get to go pick up my official you are a German for a year stamp which means that I can now leave the country with no fears about getting back in.
Best of all I might be home for Christmas. That makes me SUPER excited. I LOVE it here but It will be nice to see the family. Funny story I have talked to Bryce I think more than anyone else. I do miss my baby. He is such a great kid.
xoxox
ME
Monday, October 6, 2008
I don't know why you think I cant see
Do I look that fucking stupid. Do you really think I have no commonfucking sense?
If you are going to try to feed me lies you need to at least try to back them up. Not wave in my face proof that you lied. I am not like the usual bimbos you surround yourself with sorry about that your weak lies wont hold. My family taught me better than to just blindly believe someone especially when all signs are pointing to your fucking bullshit.
So yes, go ahead and feel like you won one. I don't have the energy for this anymore. Alright. I will just pretend I believe your bullshit if it makes you feel better because at this point I can't think of anything that would make me feel better and at least one of us should be happy in the end right? So if I will pretend to believe one last lie from you. But this is the end. If you want to fix it you are going to have to work at it. I did my time. I held it all together, I took on the guilt, I gave you my all and I am sorry that this was never enough for you and I am sorry you worked so hard to build all these lies for me I guess I should have told you a long time ago that I knew that they were just that so you didn't have to work so hard for so long. Sorry to lead you on, i just though that in the end you would be worth it. But maybe I was wrong all along.
If you are going to try to feed me lies you need to at least try to back them up. Not wave in my face proof that you lied. I am not like the usual bimbos you surround yourself with sorry about that your weak lies wont hold. My family taught me better than to just blindly believe someone especially when all signs are pointing to your fucking bullshit.
So yes, go ahead and feel like you won one. I don't have the energy for this anymore. Alright. I will just pretend I believe your bullshit if it makes you feel better because at this point I can't think of anything that would make me feel better and at least one of us should be happy in the end right? So if I will pretend to believe one last lie from you. But this is the end. If you want to fix it you are going to have to work at it. I did my time. I held it all together, I took on the guilt, I gave you my all and I am sorry that this was never enough for you and I am sorry you worked so hard to build all these lies for me I guess I should have told you a long time ago that I knew that they were just that so you didn't have to work so hard for so long. Sorry to lead you on, i just though that in the end you would be worth it. But maybe I was wrong all along.
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