So my whole life I have enjoyed watching people. I love to see them and how they interact with their worlds. How they change the things around them or how they deal with things changing. One thing I have noticed through all of this watching is that there seems to be some people for whom things just happen. I would always love to watch their stories unfold because it seemed that no matter what they did or what actions they took the world had something else in mind for them. I always thought it would be interesting to be one of those people, a person who had things just happen to them, where things just always seemed to work out.
Yesterday night on my walk back from the birthday bash I was thinking about how I ended up here in Germany. That was when I realized that I am one of those people. I am someone who things just seem to work out for. Not all things mind you for I am still lonely and greatly struggling with a huge language barrier, but the big events that truly define a person seem to be those that just work out for me.
Take college for instance, I never wanted to go to college I had no desire for it, I never studied for my ACT and I almost in fact missed it having had stayed out too long the night before but in the end I had a huge fight with my mom and went to the first college that offered me a free application. Then I was at college, I am not a quitter so I stayed the full four years and everything just seemed to open more doors for me. I was the president of a ton of organizations and always managed to have a great E-board that took care of things for me and all i had to worry about was being the diplomat to the other organizations and to the executive offices of our school.
Then because I wanted my professor to stop bugging me I applied (and I had a rather poor application because I didn't care) for this program and now here I am in Germany. I had no where to live and my school was not replying to any of my contacts and suddenly I found a girl to take me in for free for a week. After that I found another home with all sorts of free things and a family for me.
Things seem to work out even when I have not been helping them out. I fear that because I have realized this truth things will stop working like that for me. However, if by leaving me it moves to someone else I would be just as happy. I think that life has gotten me to the point that I can take it on for a bit. I have been given more than my fair share.
It was just interesting to me that after watching this for so long it ended up that I was what had captivated me so.
alright well I am going to head to bed.
Best always
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
A story for the ages...
Well kids today I have a story for you. It is a grand story involving buffalo, Soul mates of the purest kind, , two grand journeys which seem to keep intertwining for eternity and a man who was made to wear mittens on his feet.
As all great stories seem to start in the same manner this story shall also begin as such, for it is one that mothers will be telling their children for all the years to come.
Once upon a time there was a girl and a boy. They had for a long time been living in the same small village however, they were completely unaware of each other. For these two though it seemed that fate and a cold snowy night had something more planed for this pair. It was the middle of a long cold and snowy winter when Marcus wandered into Amanda's life and they began what would be a lifetime adventure with each other.
Amanda had been hard at work as she usually was. When the doors burst open followed by a chill wind and a nice looking young man. The building in which Amanda worked in was large and there were frequently people coming and going. It seemed to be the center point of their small village and as such it held many amenities that the local houses could not provide, it also was well suited as a meeting point for the great many people. As it this was true Amanda did not usually take any great notice of those who came and went unless they came to her for her services. This time however, she seemed drawn to the lad who entered. She found herself staring at him as she attempted to guess his story but was quickly embarrassed when she realized she was staring and busied herself with work.
She quietly excused herself to complete the tasks that were waiting out in the cold night. She worked quickly because it was very cold out and she wished to be back in the warmth provided by the main building. While she was completing her tasks she found herself thinking about the young man. Amanda had gotten the impression that he was much more than he looked when she first saw him come through the cold night and the buildings doors and she quite enjoyed making up stories that could be about his life.
When she had completed the work that required her to be out in the cold weather she hurried back to her post inside. When she returned she found that the man she had been creating stories about was there in her work space talking to one of the other young ladies she worked with. It seemed that her friend Sharon lived in the same district as the young lad and they had become friends. Amanda at first was fairly shy not trying to pry to much into the young mans life and not wishing to ruin her own made up stories, however, quickly he pulled her into a grand conversation lasting many hours.
Amanda could not remember having such a great conversation with anyone before and she was truly sad when the young man she now knew as Marcus announced that it was time that he returned to his home. Amanda feared that this chance meeting would be the last they would ever have and was already pining for his company. She was so absorbed in this feeling of loss that she almost didn't notice his feet. This would have been tragic because it is perhaps his lack of proper shoes that truly brought these two people together. It seemed that the young Marcus was wearing shoes that would only be suitable for a warm summer walk, and not indeed for this strong winter weather.
Quickly Amanda could picture the young lad walking home and becoming ill. She could not stand for this to happen and she knew she needed to come up with some sort of solution to save him from a certain illness. She started to argue with him about the status of his shoes. He assured her that he did not live far away and would be fine, however, the though of him walking in the snow nearly brought her to tears. Finally he conceded to wait for 10 minutes while she attempted to think of a solution however, after that time he would be leaving with or without her blessings.
Amanda had a habit of staring off as she was thinking and this time that habit paid off. As she was thinking she was starting at the bin where they kept things that their patrons had forgotten and would hopefully return for. In that bin Amanda spotted a pair of large red mittens. That was just what she needed. The shoes he was wearing had a strap that separated the large toe from all the others so a mitten was just the right shape. When she returned to him with the mittens it took a bit of arguing before he finally gave up and put them on his feet. She had to admit that he looked quite silly with mittens on his feet. However, she could bare the though of him walking in the snow now for his feet would stay cozy and warm inside of the red woolen mittens.
It was several days later when the two ran into each other again. It seemed that the determination that Amanda had about her had intrigued Marcus and he wished to get to know her better as well. The two began to spend more and more of their free time in each others company until it seemed to all those around that they had for all of time been friends and would forever remain friends.
Amanda and Marcus quickly realized that they had something more than mere friendship. There was something more deeply rooted in them than just that. One night Marcus had a vivid dream which turned into a vision. In the beginning of time man and woman were one, however, in a battle of the gods they were split apart and forced to always be looking for their other half. For those who happened to be luckily enough to find their other half they could rarely completely rejoin for the gods that separated them placed a curse on them and if they couldn't find their task and complete it they would never again know the joy of being whole. It is said when you find your soul mate you will finally have the truest friend there is, many people get confused and think that being soul mates is about love but Marcus knew better thanks to his vision.
The next day Marcus told Amanda about his vision and how he felt that they were perhaps soul mates. Amanda agreed with him. She confessed that she had never felt so safe, and happy as she did when she was with him. They quickly decided they must discover what their quest was so that they could remain joined for all eternity sharing in each others joys and easing each others suffering. They consulted a great many wise men in attempts to learn what they must do however, they always returned empty handed. One night after another fruitless attempt however, Marcus received another vision. It seemed that the gods favored him and wished for him to have his other half back again. In this vision, he could see Amanda riding atop a noble steed among the mighty buffalo.
When Amanda heard this she was at first frightened. She could not afford a horse and the buffalo had all migrated years ago further west of their village, to far for a poor girl like herself to make a journey to. However, Amanda vowed that that moment that she would do whatever it took for she wished to be whole once again like in the ancient days and she dared not risk losing Marcus and the only way to ensure they would remain forever was to be joined. Amanda took on this quest.
After much searching and a long Journey Amanda came across a young buffalo who seemed to be lost. The poor soul was sick and she was not sure if he would survive. She took him in and cared for him and was able to return him to health. During the time that she was caring for him Marcus was journeying to his home village to visit his family for the festivals. She eagerly awaited his return so that she could share with him her buffalo so that they could be complete again.
When Marcus returned and found the buffalo nothing great changed. Amanda was depressed for she felt she had failed. She left on a journey to try to figure out where she went wrong. While she was gone Marcus cared for the young buffalo for it was not yet at full strength. While he was caring for the young beast he decided that it needed a name for he was tired of calling it buffalo. He decided to call the young beast Wyatt. At the moment that he first uttered the words Amanda felt something deep inside of her warm a bit, Marcus felt it as well.
Amanda was overjoyed for she knew that this somehow meant that she was once again whole that she had found and been bound to her soul mate. Their story continues until time itself runs out. Both go on grand adventures that keep them far from each other and close off all means of communication between the two however, they are alright because through it all they can feel their bit of warmth ever glowing within them. They know that no matter how long the other is gone or how far away they go they can always call them back and they will return for they are truly bound as one soul in two bodies forever blessed by the gods.
I hope you enjoyed your story. I still feel bad about the miss communication. I miss you a lot and I really do wish you had more time to drop me a hello from time to time but I am not angry when you cannot for I know that when I need you most you will find a way to be there for me, as I will always be here for you.
As all great stories seem to start in the same manner this story shall also begin as such, for it is one that mothers will be telling their children for all the years to come.
Once upon a time there was a girl and a boy. They had for a long time been living in the same small village however, they were completely unaware of each other. For these two though it seemed that fate and a cold snowy night had something more planed for this pair. It was the middle of a long cold and snowy winter when Marcus wandered into Amanda's life and they began what would be a lifetime adventure with each other.
Amanda had been hard at work as she usually was. When the doors burst open followed by a chill wind and a nice looking young man. The building in which Amanda worked in was large and there were frequently people coming and going. It seemed to be the center point of their small village and as such it held many amenities that the local houses could not provide, it also was well suited as a meeting point for the great many people. As it this was true Amanda did not usually take any great notice of those who came and went unless they came to her for her services. This time however, she seemed drawn to the lad who entered. She found herself staring at him as she attempted to guess his story but was quickly embarrassed when she realized she was staring and busied herself with work.
She quietly excused herself to complete the tasks that were waiting out in the cold night. She worked quickly because it was very cold out and she wished to be back in the warmth provided by the main building. While she was completing her tasks she found herself thinking about the young man. Amanda had gotten the impression that he was much more than he looked when she first saw him come through the cold night and the buildings doors and she quite enjoyed making up stories that could be about his life.
When she had completed the work that required her to be out in the cold weather she hurried back to her post inside. When she returned she found that the man she had been creating stories about was there in her work space talking to one of the other young ladies she worked with. It seemed that her friend Sharon lived in the same district as the young lad and they had become friends. Amanda at first was fairly shy not trying to pry to much into the young mans life and not wishing to ruin her own made up stories, however, quickly he pulled her into a grand conversation lasting many hours.
Amanda could not remember having such a great conversation with anyone before and she was truly sad when the young man she now knew as Marcus announced that it was time that he returned to his home. Amanda feared that this chance meeting would be the last they would ever have and was already pining for his company. She was so absorbed in this feeling of loss that she almost didn't notice his feet. This would have been tragic because it is perhaps his lack of proper shoes that truly brought these two people together. It seemed that the young Marcus was wearing shoes that would only be suitable for a warm summer walk, and not indeed for this strong winter weather.
Quickly Amanda could picture the young lad walking home and becoming ill. She could not stand for this to happen and she knew she needed to come up with some sort of solution to save him from a certain illness. She started to argue with him about the status of his shoes. He assured her that he did not live far away and would be fine, however, the though of him walking in the snow nearly brought her to tears. Finally he conceded to wait for 10 minutes while she attempted to think of a solution however, after that time he would be leaving with or without her blessings.
Amanda had a habit of staring off as she was thinking and this time that habit paid off. As she was thinking she was starting at the bin where they kept things that their patrons had forgotten and would hopefully return for. In that bin Amanda spotted a pair of large red mittens. That was just what she needed. The shoes he was wearing had a strap that separated the large toe from all the others so a mitten was just the right shape. When she returned to him with the mittens it took a bit of arguing before he finally gave up and put them on his feet. She had to admit that he looked quite silly with mittens on his feet. However, she could bare the though of him walking in the snow now for his feet would stay cozy and warm inside of the red woolen mittens.
It was several days later when the two ran into each other again. It seemed that the determination that Amanda had about her had intrigued Marcus and he wished to get to know her better as well. The two began to spend more and more of their free time in each others company until it seemed to all those around that they had for all of time been friends and would forever remain friends.
Amanda and Marcus quickly realized that they had something more than mere friendship. There was something more deeply rooted in them than just that. One night Marcus had a vivid dream which turned into a vision. In the beginning of time man and woman were one, however, in a battle of the gods they were split apart and forced to always be looking for their other half. For those who happened to be luckily enough to find their other half they could rarely completely rejoin for the gods that separated them placed a curse on them and if they couldn't find their task and complete it they would never again know the joy of being whole. It is said when you find your soul mate you will finally have the truest friend there is, many people get confused and think that being soul mates is about love but Marcus knew better thanks to his vision.
The next day Marcus told Amanda about his vision and how he felt that they were perhaps soul mates. Amanda agreed with him. She confessed that she had never felt so safe, and happy as she did when she was with him. They quickly decided they must discover what their quest was so that they could remain joined for all eternity sharing in each others joys and easing each others suffering. They consulted a great many wise men in attempts to learn what they must do however, they always returned empty handed. One night after another fruitless attempt however, Marcus received another vision. It seemed that the gods favored him and wished for him to have his other half back again. In this vision, he could see Amanda riding atop a noble steed among the mighty buffalo.
When Amanda heard this she was at first frightened. She could not afford a horse and the buffalo had all migrated years ago further west of their village, to far for a poor girl like herself to make a journey to. However, Amanda vowed that that moment that she would do whatever it took for she wished to be whole once again like in the ancient days and she dared not risk losing Marcus and the only way to ensure they would remain forever was to be joined. Amanda took on this quest.
After much searching and a long Journey Amanda came across a young buffalo who seemed to be lost. The poor soul was sick and she was not sure if he would survive. She took him in and cared for him and was able to return him to health. During the time that she was caring for him Marcus was journeying to his home village to visit his family for the festivals. She eagerly awaited his return so that she could share with him her buffalo so that they could be complete again.
When Marcus returned and found the buffalo nothing great changed. Amanda was depressed for she felt she had failed. She left on a journey to try to figure out where she went wrong. While she was gone Marcus cared for the young buffalo for it was not yet at full strength. While he was caring for the young beast he decided that it needed a name for he was tired of calling it buffalo. He decided to call the young beast Wyatt. At the moment that he first uttered the words Amanda felt something deep inside of her warm a bit, Marcus felt it as well.
Amanda was overjoyed for she knew that this somehow meant that she was once again whole that she had found and been bound to her soul mate. Their story continues until time itself runs out. Both go on grand adventures that keep them far from each other and close off all means of communication between the two however, they are alright because through it all they can feel their bit of warmth ever glowing within them. They know that no matter how long the other is gone or how far away they go they can always call them back and they will return for they are truly bound as one soul in two bodies forever blessed by the gods.
I hope you enjoyed your story. I still feel bad about the miss communication. I miss you a lot and I really do wish you had more time to drop me a hello from time to time but I am not angry when you cannot for I know that when I need you most you will find a way to be there for me, as I will always be here for you.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Just Perfect
Today I had a perfect moment. One of those times when you are completely at peace with the world and with yourself. Today after I won the battle with the German Government I went into work for a couple of hours. I left at about 1:00. I was walking home and I decided to see if I could find a short cut. What I ended up was finding a road that led down hill straight to the Rhine and that wasn't busy like the road I live on. So now Picture this,
The fall wind is gently blowing so that I feel safe and warm in my sweater. I am looking down towards the Rhine and in the hills on the other side a storm is building. The most perfect dark clouds were rolling out from the hills towards the Rhine. It was cool enough that not many people were out side and the people who were had been sticking to the main road so it was just me, the fall wind and the Rhine. It was so perfect.
If I didn't already have a cold I would have waited there for the storm to reach me. However, I am on a quest to be better before the Red wine festival.
Tomorrow Susanne's son Markus gets here. Along with his girlfriend and her parents. . It should be a good time!
So A bit more explanation about the post of me being so angry. There has been this guy. Sort of. For awhile now. And true to me I didn't tell anyone about him. Not only because that is my MO but also because we were never officially anything. And true to form I really needed us to be something more and he really just wanted to be whatever we were at what ever time it was that we were it. So that blog was about me basically laying it out we need to be or we need to not be. I cannot be alone but taken at the same time. If I am going to be alone I want to have options I didn't need a commitment. We all know I don't like to fully commit I wasn't asking him to pick just me. I just needed to be more important. Sometimes i would be. Sometimes he would be wonderful and be there when i needed but as of late aka when i left there just was no longer time for me. And if he cannot still be there for me then I need to move on. I don't need the world. I just need a few days a week, really I would have setteled for one time a week that was just for me. If my friends can do it then this person who was something somewhat more should have wanted it.
But that is the story. I feel bad because someone I love thought it was about them and were upset. Its funny because I once promised to never write when i felt things like that unless I was writing them. And I have kept that promise and I always will. I might write about it later but I will always talk to them about it first. Next time you think this is the way I feel please remember the song I gave us and then you will know that I am not worried I am and always will be waiting. You are stuck with me forever. My best friend, My brother, My soul mate.
Alright well I took some meds to knock me out and they are kicking in. I think I am going to put a full day of work in tomorrow and then i think Anna Ulrik and I are going to the Sauna they are convinced it will make me feel better!
Alright sleep well!
ME
The fall wind is gently blowing so that I feel safe and warm in my sweater. I am looking down towards the Rhine and in the hills on the other side a storm is building. The most perfect dark clouds were rolling out from the hills towards the Rhine. It was cool enough that not many people were out side and the people who were had been sticking to the main road so it was just me, the fall wind and the Rhine. It was so perfect.
If I didn't already have a cold I would have waited there for the storm to reach me. However, I am on a quest to be better before the Red wine festival.
Tomorrow Susanne's son Markus gets here. Along with his girlfriend and her parents. . It should be a good time!
So A bit more explanation about the post of me being so angry. There has been this guy. Sort of. For awhile now. And true to me I didn't tell anyone about him. Not only because that is my MO but also because we were never officially anything. And true to form I really needed us to be something more and he really just wanted to be whatever we were at what ever time it was that we were it. So that blog was about me basically laying it out we need to be or we need to not be. I cannot be alone but taken at the same time. If I am going to be alone I want to have options I didn't need a commitment. We all know I don't like to fully commit I wasn't asking him to pick just me. I just needed to be more important. Sometimes i would be. Sometimes he would be wonderful and be there when i needed but as of late aka when i left there just was no longer time for me. And if he cannot still be there for me then I need to move on. I don't need the world. I just need a few days a week, really I would have setteled for one time a week that was just for me. If my friends can do it then this person who was something somewhat more should have wanted it.
But that is the story. I feel bad because someone I love thought it was about them and were upset. Its funny because I once promised to never write when i felt things like that unless I was writing them. And I have kept that promise and I always will. I might write about it later but I will always talk to them about it first. Next time you think this is the way I feel please remember the song I gave us and then you will know that I am not worried I am and always will be waiting. You are stuck with me forever. My best friend, My brother, My soul mate.
Alright well I took some meds to knock me out and they are kicking in. I think I am going to put a full day of work in tomorrow and then i think Anna Ulrik and I are going to the Sauna they are convinced it will make me feel better!
Alright sleep well!
ME
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Sorry for the confusion
Hello to all my loyal readers, although I think we are successfully down one. For all of you concerned about the last entry it was not directed at you. I have already dealt with the party responsible and while I am a bit broken because of it I have a feeling that I shall soon be far better off.
I promise I will write a good entry soon. I just need to pop off to bed. I am really tired and I am getting sick so I need to sleep. Tomorrow I try to get my German Residency for the year! Wish me luck.
I promise I will write a good entry soon. I just need to pop off to bed. I am really tired and I am getting sick so I need to sleep. Tomorrow I try to get my German Residency for the year! Wish me luck.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Fustrated
I just need to know if you still care. I never know when I am crossing the line or not and if you are done with me then fine I will go. It will hurt like hell but I wont keep dragging you into that which you wish to be no part of. Just tell me be blunt because I cannot tell with you. You are so hot and cold. You like two fucking different people. Am I important in your life still or do you just want me to bugger off. I promise I will not ruin your name I will not tarnish your reputation I just need to know if I am wasting my time when I wonder or worry about you.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Soon to have a home!
Well I today I found a better choice than pretending to be religious. I will instead live with Susanne Frank. I will have the entire upstairs to myself with my own bathroom so she does not mind if I have guests of any gender. I can do my laundry, I will have internet, I will have tv... She seems like she is really busy. The only problem is that this means I will be pretty far away from Anna So I guess that I will just have to learn the bus system so I can still hang out with her and her friends. We are going to the movies tonight. I think we are going to go see the Finnish Tango. It should be interesting. We are either going to see that or see a movie about the mob.
I am about ready to be done with my vice principal. But I cannot be bothered to fight with him.
My kids were a riot today. They were telling me about all the things I need to do while in Germany. I also learned about the ink killer. they have a pen here that will erase all pen. I LOVED that I am going to have to buy some!
Anyways I think I am going to go take a nap. Before tonight!
Miss you mean it!
Truly I know I should not write this
Alright, the next paragraph is just one of those things that one writes in hopes that by saying it they can releive it from their system. I do not suggest that you read it because it will not be pleasant it will be tmi to the extreme so skip down to paragraph three where i will write something of some sort of intrest.
I am so in need of my can opener right now. I crave any sort of human physical contact right now. I think that it is so bad because for one I have gone for far too long without so much as even a hug and then I am soon to start my period. I am always the worst right before and right after my period. I dont really know why that is but I am sure that there is some biological reason for it. Anyways it is bad. And what is worse is that right now my only friends are highschoolers. Um sorry cant touch them that would make me a dirty old woman! I am secretly hoping that at the wine fest at the end of this month I meet someone who is my own age. I would give anything just to touch another human being right now. Everyone who knows me knows that I love to touch people, hug them, tap them while I am talking to them. Hell I love kissing, I kiss my own sorority little when there is no one else around. Touch is very important to me and I need it so baddly right now. Alright, that is out of my system for a bit.
I really need to do laundry but I cannot find a laundrymat. This is a problem. I do not want to ask anna because her family has already been so great to me I do not want to use up more of their things. I think that tomorrow I will just buy new underwear and throw the rest away so I do not have to worry about washing them. maybe I will ask one of my professors for help. They all seem really worried about me, so maybe this will help. Or maybe I will just take everything into the shower with me. But then I will take too long of a shower and use more water adn I have no where to hang things.... this is a problem. IF anyone knows of any good laundry places in Ingelheim let me know! Maybe I will just head to the river.. but I dont want to get soap in it.... ugg Laundry sucks!
So today I met a bunch of the students... They all asked me about my boyfriend. Umm well kids I do not have one. Sorry you got a spinster for a teaching assistant. They always lost intrest in me after I answerd that question. Really I am starting to wonder if I really am ok in this world alone, maybe the kids are right and I should have someone by my side. Maybe I really cannot do it alone. it is so romantic in my town. As I walk through the streets and past the wine houses I just wish I had someone there with me. I think that because I have always had such great friends I have never had occasion to notice how truly lonley I am. But somehow Erin getting married has thrown me for a loop, everyone I know is meeting potential mates except for me. I have never cared to. I always have had friends who give me everything that I need. But what happens when they are all married and are caring for their mate and have no more time to care for me. What do I do then
CRAP I AM A SINGLE STRONG WOMAN I DO NOT NEED A MAN TO BE COMPLETE... right?
I am having dinner tonight at one of the houses I am looking at and then tomorrow at 2 I meet wiht the other place to decide which one I will call home for the next 10 months. I want to stay close to Anna she is such a great friend so depending on where the second one is I think I have made up my mind. Although I am getting tired of walking an hour to work everyday and this is only the second day. Maybe when I stop going for 2 hour walks every night that will get better. However, I dont think I will ever be done walking around this place and if I do then the train is right here and I can explore elsewhere.
alright I am going to go write an email to my mum.
Love you all
xoxo
Me
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Where to start?
So much has happend folks. I dont even really know what is going on anymore. I think I have a place to live, however, I feel a bit bad becuase I have to pretend to be a christian to live there but that is the only way to find an affordable place in the good part of town. ALso they have a guest room so that if my firends come to visit they can still stay. I meet my principal tomorrow. Anna saved my life she has taken me in and showed me around. I went to a festival the past two nights and we went to a party and I have met so many people. They all refer to me as The American Dream, or as Annas American, I am no longer Amanda. it makes me laugh. I think the only thing that would be better was if I had someone to share it wiht. I think I demand too much. There are no medium guys. I dont want marriage but I do want some mogonomy. I want a guy that will travel the world with me and be willing to do crazy stuff and to convince me to be just as crazy. maybe this will help me grow a bit and when I get back I will be ready to settle. Everything is going so fast yet so slow. Anna really is wonderful but it is a bit odd that I hang out with highschoolers. I think her brother would show me around but his girlfriend does not seem to like me. I think she is worried that the American will put moves on her man. Who knows. Sorry about the typing this is a German Mac so the keys are all over the place and I refuse to hunt and peck so I am trying ot lean a new set up. I walked to my school today so I would know how to find it on Monday it is about an hour walk but allong the way it is so beautiful! I love the castles one can find on all the mountians and hills around here. This really is a dream. Thank you Marcus for not letting me be stupid! Even if things were rough they seem to be smoothing out now! Alright I need to get going I want to get another walk in before dark. I have already walked most of the day but there is so much and I want to find the fastest way to the rhine. Maybe I will climb bismark tower again. It is in the center of one of the vineyards and you can see all of Ingelheim from it. Alright I am alive and I miss you like crazy and I wont forget about the letters I owe!
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
My soul mate saved my soul!
So probably the first positive thing that has happened here is a direct result of my Soul Mate. And when I say that I do not mean like love no no we were not destined for that but for something much better. Anyway back to the story So my school wont contact me and I cannot find an apartment so as of tomorrow I was looking at being homeless because orientation is about to be over and they are throwing us out after that. But luckily my dear wonderful great S.M. informed me about couch surfing. This great thing where you sleep on someones sofa for a night. Well this great 10 year old girl is opening her house for me. She is going to pick me up feed me and show me around town (going way above and beyond) and no she is actually talking to some of her friends because she things that one of them is looking for a flat mate! OH MY GOD it is heaven! I might cry from joy I have never been so happy about anything in my life. I only have a little time before my next meeting but I wanted to get that out because I think I am going to turn in early tonight and thus I will not be able to write more. I just wanted to world to know that Marcus Schwimmer is my personal saint and I hope that good karma is now flowing his way!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
would you all be disapointed
i think i might get sent home because i am not prepared for this would you all forgive me? i shall be talking to the people tonight about my status. I just don't know what is going on anymore. Everyone here has lived in Germany before for at least a year on study. I CANT BELIEVE IT some program for people who have never traveled. I have never been so scared or alone in my life. Oh and being poor sucks. I have no money and my school isn't replying to me at all. A ton of the people here are staying with someone from their school for the first bit until they can afford a place to live and my schools seems to have just forgotten about me. SUPER... NOT Alright well Here is the update of happier things...
So far Germany looks a lot like Michigan only it has way older buildings and cathedrals. I think you would love the place we are staying for orientation. We are in an old monastery and the cathedral is attached. It is funny because we all though we were out in the middle of no where in the woods and today a few of us discovered a door which we went through and suddenly we were in a little town. It very much felt like Alice in Wonderland but we wandered around for a bit out in the real world since we had been so secluded for so long. I have a great picture of the cows in front of our cathedral so as soon as i remember to take my camera with me when i have time to get on the internet I will send it out.
Other than that It is hopeless.. I think that if i do get sent home I may make my flight for like a week late and just hike back to the airport because I am not going to lie the view is worth it. if I didn't have to do all this technical stuff I would be SET.. I just wish I had my super traveler Buddie here to help me make sense of it all. I think that I would be able to handle this all much more if I were not alone.
alright well I am going to go finish an email home and then hit the books for more fun trying to better learn the language! Love you and Miss you... especially you!
xoxo
ME
Ps Germans just do xx not xoxo the only send kisses not hugs.
So far Germany looks a lot like Michigan only it has way older buildings and cathedrals. I think you would love the place we are staying for orientation. We are in an old monastery and the cathedral is attached. It is funny because we all though we were out in the middle of no where in the woods and today a few of us discovered a door which we went through and suddenly we were in a little town. It very much felt like Alice in Wonderland but we wandered around for a bit out in the real world since we had been so secluded for so long. I have a great picture of the cows in front of our cathedral so as soon as i remember to take my camera with me when i have time to get on the internet I will send it out.
Other than that It is hopeless.. I think that if i do get sent home I may make my flight for like a week late and just hike back to the airport because I am not going to lie the view is worth it. if I didn't have to do all this technical stuff I would be SET.. I just wish I had my super traveler Buddie here to help me make sense of it all. I think that I would be able to handle this all much more if I were not alone.
alright well I am going to go finish an email home and then hit the books for more fun trying to better learn the language! Love you and Miss you... especially you!
xoxo
ME
Ps Germans just do xx not xoxo the only send kisses not hugs.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Day two of Deutschland
Well kids here is the update...
I am the only person here who has never lived in Germany before. Really? And I cannot speak a speck of the language which is quickly becoming a problem at orientation! They are none too pleased with me. I am trying to stay low on the radar so they don't send me home but we will see what happens. I still have not secured an apartment and my school wont write me back. It is making me angry, all the other students have schools that have found them apartments or are letting the students live with them until they find a place there are even 5 students who have had their schools buy them bikes. I just don't know what to do. Things are going crazy.
In case I forgot to tell you as of next week I will be living in Ingelheim am Rhein. Yes that is right I am on the Rhein, that is the best news ever for you all know the calming qualities water has on me.
Anyway I am super tired and our day starts early tomorrow for more orientation fun while they speak german at me and i pretend to understand what they are saying. Ok I understand some of it but not a whole lot which is still a problem. Well I digress and the point is I am going to go get some sleep.
I Love you and wish me luck!
I am the only person here who has never lived in Germany before. Really? And I cannot speak a speck of the language which is quickly becoming a problem at orientation! They are none too pleased with me. I am trying to stay low on the radar so they don't send me home but we will see what happens. I still have not secured an apartment and my school wont write me back. It is making me angry, all the other students have schools that have found them apartments or are letting the students live with them until they find a place there are even 5 students who have had their schools buy them bikes. I just don't know what to do. Things are going crazy.
In case I forgot to tell you as of next week I will be living in Ingelheim am Rhein. Yes that is right I am on the Rhein, that is the best news ever for you all know the calming qualities water has on me.
Anyway I am super tired and our day starts early tomorrow for more orientation fun while they speak german at me and i pretend to understand what they are saying. Ok I understand some of it but not a whole lot which is still a problem. Well I digress and the point is I am going to go get some sleep.
I Love you and wish me luck!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
I am on my first step.
Well kids I am here in my hostile in Germany. Scary times let me tell you what. Luckily I found some fellows who brought me to this safe haven and tomorrow we leave for orientation. However, I have my doubts if they will let me stay. My German is CRAP I cannot talk to anyone here. It is bad news. So far I have had my new friends to take care of me but in 4 days I am on my own and I don't know if the head honchos will go for that so much. Oh god it is beautiful here. I have been doing alright yesterday saying goodbye to the parents almost killed me I love my family so much and we have had such a great summer of connecting I can hardly handle being this far away from them. It is funny I am eating dinner and they are not even having lunch yet. There are a few people I have met from the program who I am really starting to like. They are so chill for sure Jason from Michigan and L (I cant remember her full name but it rocks) from California are way fun everyone else seems a bit prissy but the three of us are super chill! Oh I had a meltdown on the long plane because I lost my mp3 player which is full of music from my dad. But I got over it fast and searched the fucking plane until I found what I was looking for. It is currently 5:20 here in Germany on Sunday and I am SOOO tired. I woke up at 5 am on Saturday for the flying fun and I am still running but soon I am going to shower and head to bed. Oh I guess I lied because today while we were waiting for it to be late enough to check in I did fall asleep in the town center and was accosted by a 12 foot clown I learned my lesson about sleeping in public!! Alright tomorrow starts another busy busy day so I am going to go take my shower and get ready for bed.. I know I know it is only 5pm but i have jet lag so cut me some slack and I will be reading before bed so that isn't too terrible. Alright Catch you on the flip side..
Love your wayward friend.
Amanda Rae
Love your wayward friend.
Amanda Rae
Thursday, September 4, 2008
I will miss you
I leave tomorrow. This is my last post from the united states. I don't think I can carry this bag... that is a problem but I guess I will just build muscles while I sleep because I cant cut anything and in fact I need to add things.. SUPER wish me well I will miss you.
Well Fuck
I'm not going to lie I just added the fuck in because I posted a disclaimer that this blog may contain adult content and I wanted to live up to that disclaimer.
Today was actually a fairly good day. I have continued to clean up and pack away all my things that are not making it across the ocean with me. I think I have now gotten everything sorted and I can actually start to pack my bag. I picked my god sister up from school today because it was raining and she asked me if I were excited. I told her not really, at first she was confused and then she looked at me and was like I understand that... the truth of the matter is that I am just going to continue to live I am not changing my life just my location which as of late I do all the time. So the only thing I am worried about is being able to carry enough stuff with me to survive. I know the backpack I have is WAY to large for me and actually backpackers are going to make jokes at my expense for obviously I have no idea what I am doing however, the truth is that all i need to do is move enough stuff to work and play across many nations and find a place to live so who cares. I hope that I can start backpacking for I will be in a beautiful place but I have decided not to care what backpackers think of me. I asked about 10 of them for help and they snubbed me so fuck them I will do this the Sherwood way. GO TEAM SHERWOOD (we have our own handshake for any one who wanted to know it is really cool we call it the hurricane.)
Oh and excitement... My dad might make it back in time to say good bye again! I cant tell you how happy that would make me. One of my good friends told me awhile ago that they would try to make it but I think they have forgotten. I don't really mind if they cant or even if they don't want to but it always makes me sad when people say they will try and then just forget about it. I always expect the worse so people cannot let me down until they start making arrant promises. But as I said I always expect the worse so I have just decided that there is no way I will see them again before I leave and if they do make it it will be one of the best surprises of my life!
Alright well there is only an hour before Meme and Papa get here so I guess I should get dressed and try to pick up a little more of the house.
Live your life as only you can for the truth of the matter is that only you can live it.
Today was actually a fairly good day. I have continued to clean up and pack away all my things that are not making it across the ocean with me. I think I have now gotten everything sorted and I can actually start to pack my bag. I picked my god sister up from school today because it was raining and she asked me if I were excited. I told her not really, at first she was confused and then she looked at me and was like I understand that... the truth of the matter is that I am just going to continue to live I am not changing my life just my location which as of late I do all the time. So the only thing I am worried about is being able to carry enough stuff with me to survive. I know the backpack I have is WAY to large for me and actually backpackers are going to make jokes at my expense for obviously I have no idea what I am doing however, the truth is that all i need to do is move enough stuff to work and play across many nations and find a place to live so who cares. I hope that I can start backpacking for I will be in a beautiful place but I have decided not to care what backpackers think of me. I asked about 10 of them for help and they snubbed me so fuck them I will do this the Sherwood way. GO TEAM SHERWOOD (we have our own handshake for any one who wanted to know it is really cool we call it the hurricane.)
Oh and excitement... My dad might make it back in time to say good bye again! I cant tell you how happy that would make me. One of my good friends told me awhile ago that they would try to make it but I think they have forgotten. I don't really mind if they cant or even if they don't want to but it always makes me sad when people say they will try and then just forget about it. I always expect the worse so people cannot let me down until they start making arrant promises. But as I said I always expect the worse so I have just decided that there is no way I will see them again before I leave and if they do make it it will be one of the best surprises of my life!
Alright well there is only an hour before Meme and Papa get here so I guess I should get dressed and try to pick up a little more of the house.
Live your life as only you can for the truth of the matter is that only you can live it.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
So much to do and so little time
My life is currently a mess I have things scattered everywhere... not good not good at all. I have tomorrow to sort it all out and my family is not helping much. I love them dearly but they all need something from me and I just don't have the time. I have to finish moving all of my stuff out of the way and well pack all that I can into my backpack because as of Friday I leave the Sherwood Shire for at the very least 10 good long months and most likely a good deal longer.
I had a thought today not a pretty though but a thought... what do female backpackers do when they get their periods? I ask because about the first week I am in Germany I should start mine and that is when I am homeless. I truly am concerned about this I mean what does one do when their insides are flushing in a very horrid manner and they run the risk of TSS?
Anyway this blog is partly dedicated to a very good friend who I want to remind always that they should only ever be living for one person and that is themselves. Don't get bogged down by others expectations for you truly have more than enough for yourself. Just think if I listened to what everyone though I should do I would never have gotten my first kiss and then I would be a 22 almost 23 year old hag who was still wondering what it was like to kiss someone. Now instead I know, I love to kiss people, and I am not afraid to do so.
Alright I really am going to go to bed now. The plan is to read for an hour and then get up bright and early so I can hopefully finish off my stuff and clean this house one last time before I continue on.
Remember no matter what there is always another adventure waiting for you, and if you cant find it just stop looking and it will find you. For as pooh found out while looking for home all he could find was the sand pit but when he went in search of the sand pit he finally found his way home.
I had a thought today not a pretty though but a thought... what do female backpackers do when they get their periods? I ask because about the first week I am in Germany I should start mine and that is when I am homeless. I truly am concerned about this I mean what does one do when their insides are flushing in a very horrid manner and they run the risk of TSS?
Anyway this blog is partly dedicated to a very good friend who I want to remind always that they should only ever be living for one person and that is themselves. Don't get bogged down by others expectations for you truly have more than enough for yourself. Just think if I listened to what everyone though I should do I would never have gotten my first kiss and then I would be a 22 almost 23 year old hag who was still wondering what it was like to kiss someone. Now instead I know, I love to kiss people, and I am not afraid to do so.
Alright I really am going to go to bed now. The plan is to read for an hour and then get up bright and early so I can hopefully finish off my stuff and clean this house one last time before I continue on.
Remember no matter what there is always another adventure waiting for you, and if you cant find it just stop looking and it will find you. For as pooh found out while looking for home all he could find was the sand pit but when he went in search of the sand pit he finally found his way home.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
a tiny itty bitty bit
Friends....
I don't ever think that I will truly understand my friends. It seems to the friends that I am the greatest to, that I treat best they don't really care, but the friends who get way less attention are better, they truly and honestly care about me. I think it be time that I reverse those in my life. Time I start treating my great friends as the friends i treat greatly. I mean I love my friends and I mean all of them it just seems that I am always putting more time in to the ones that don't ever put the time into me. I think that the reason for that is that the friends that are just great understand that I don't have a ton of time as I likewise recognize in them so we are good we are there when the other needs us but we can go for a long time without each other and when we come back it is still just as wonderful. But with my other friends because they don't seem to care as much I feel like I have to work harder and do more for them, the don't ever make me feel like I have done enough to reward them while my other friends are just so happy that we can spend time or talk that they don't make me feel like I have to actually work to keep them around. I got to talk to James again tonight. I love that no matter how random I am or what crazy thing I say he never makes me feel like I am stupid. with some of my friends I really do feel like I have to watch everything I say or they will just write me off as a silly girl but i have a few who know I am more than the random things I say and a few who love the random things I say. It feels so weird to me that I am not at school and I still have friends. I actually really like this feeling. I am not really usually good at keeping friends but Erin has taught me the way. I am so lucky to have met her.
Anyways,
I went shopping today for some of the stuff I need for Deustchland and I got some really cute clothes and drop dead boots! I am so excited. I think I am going to cheat and wear my purple dress and new boots on Thursday to meet up with my Grandparents. I really hate the bye part of Goodbye. I don't know if I can say bye to my papa. I had to say bye to my dad this morning. That was easier than it should have been because it was like 4 am he came in and woke me up to give me a hug good bye. I know that when I realize that was my real good bye to him I am probably going to cry. But for now I am just trying to upload some pictures so I can clear off my camera.
Have a great night
xoxox
Me
I don't ever think that I will truly understand my friends. It seems to the friends that I am the greatest to, that I treat best they don't really care, but the friends who get way less attention are better, they truly and honestly care about me. I think it be time that I reverse those in my life. Time I start treating my great friends as the friends i treat greatly. I mean I love my friends and I mean all of them it just seems that I am always putting more time in to the ones that don't ever put the time into me. I think that the reason for that is that the friends that are just great understand that I don't have a ton of time as I likewise recognize in them so we are good we are there when the other needs us but we can go for a long time without each other and when we come back it is still just as wonderful. But with my other friends because they don't seem to care as much I feel like I have to work harder and do more for them, the don't ever make me feel like I have done enough to reward them while my other friends are just so happy that we can spend time or talk that they don't make me feel like I have to actually work to keep them around. I got to talk to James again tonight. I love that no matter how random I am or what crazy thing I say he never makes me feel like I am stupid. with some of my friends I really do feel like I have to watch everything I say or they will just write me off as a silly girl but i have a few who know I am more than the random things I say and a few who love the random things I say. It feels so weird to me that I am not at school and I still have friends. I actually really like this feeling. I am not really usually good at keeping friends but Erin has taught me the way. I am so lucky to have met her.
Anyways,
I went shopping today for some of the stuff I need for Deustchland and I got some really cute clothes and drop dead boots! I am so excited. I think I am going to cheat and wear my purple dress and new boots on Thursday to meet up with my Grandparents. I really hate the bye part of Goodbye. I don't know if I can say bye to my papa. I had to say bye to my dad this morning. That was easier than it should have been because it was like 4 am he came in and woke me up to give me a hug good bye. I know that when I realize that was my real good bye to him I am probably going to cry. But for now I am just trying to upload some pictures so I can clear off my camera.
Have a great night
xoxox
Me
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