I just need to be there, I know I don't really have a there to be but anything is better than limbo. My dad just makes fun of me and my mom is non present, all my friends are working, on their honeymoon or at school, I am sitting alone just wishing it would come. I don't know what to do with myself. Right now I am not worried with what will happen to me because there is no changing what has not happened, however, I know that deep down I am totally scared. How can people be so brave, how can they just leave everything they have ever known and be in a place where no one is looking for them, no one knows them and where they have nothing.
alright, I just did some Yoga and I am calmed down a good bit. I wonder will I find a great adventure or only great hardship, will I make friends or am i doomed to be a loner? Right now what I really need to hear is for someone I trust to tell me that it will be alright, but instead everyone is just laughing that I am worried. I am sorry that we don't all innately have great courage but I have been doing the best I can to mock great courage and sometimes I just need someone to tell me it will be alright, that even if it isn't what I thought it will be something else and that will be alright too, but instead I get laughed at (which isn't a confidence builder) or I have people tell me not to go. How could I not go? Even if I die on the plane it is a new experience and I should not deny myself of that, so here is to no backing out or giving in, now someone please hold me and tell me it will be OK!
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